Trust Noone

I’ve decided to change my name to “Noone.” Why? Because people misspell “no one” as “noone” so often, and I’ve decided to capitalize on it.

Henceforth, whenever anyone says “Noone asked for a sequel to this movie”… I asked for it. Whenever someone says “Noone is in there”… I’m in there. Whenever someone says “Noone could do a better job”… I could. Whenever someone says “Noone has a clue”… I have one. Whenever someone says “Noone in their right mind would think that”… I would. Whenever someone says “Noone knows what it’s like”… I do. Whenever someone says “Noone is paying attention”… I am.

Whenever someone says “This arrangement benefits noone”… it benefits me. Whenever someone says to “trust noone”… trust me. Whenever someone says “Noone knows”… I know. Whenever someone says “The lights are on, but noone’s home”… you’ll find me at home… with the lights on. And whenever someone says “Noone can save us now”… I will save you.

With a simple name change, I shall instantaneously become the most talked-about person on the planet. And then I shall strike… because noone will expect me to… except me.