People in the DOCTOR WHO universe must be really confused. The Doctor bounces around time from one era to the next, earning a reputation on countless worlds as a hero. But think about what must happen whenever those people share their encounters:
“I met the Doctor once, you know.”
“No kidding? Me, too!”
“Yeah! He showed up and saved my world. Pretty spry for a white-haired old guy.”
“Wait… an old guy? What do you mean? I’ve met the Doctor. He looks around 30, and he’s really fit, with not a drop of white hair.”
“Huh? He had to be pushing 60, though he looked 80 and was kind of sickly-looking.”
“No way. He’s boyish and trim, like a soccer player.”
“I have no idea what you guys mean. The Doctor is short and kind of round, with a Moe Howard hairdo.”
“Why do you all keep referring to the Doctor as a guy? The Doctor is a woman.”
“A woman? No, the Doctor is a man. A pasty-faced white dude.”
“White?? The Doctor is black!”
“Since when? I met the Doctor, and he’s a white Scotsman!”
“Scottish?? He’s Rwandan!”
“Rwandan? Since when? She’s English!”
“English, yes, but the Doctor is a HE!”
“Are you all daft? The Doctor is a pretty white woman in suspenders.”
“A pretty white woman in suspenders?? He’s a tall, weird-looking guy with crazy curly hair and a scarf the length of a limousine!”
“It’s pretty clear we’re not all talking about the same person. The Doctor is a handsome brunette Englishman who dresses like a pirate. He saved my world twice.”
“Stop drinking so much, man. The Doctor is handsome, yes, but he’s blonde and wears celery for some reason.”
“Celery? What? No, he wears a black jacket and has big ears.”
“That’s not the Doctor. The Doctor is a tiny old man with grizzled, war-wary features.”
“No, he’s not! He’s a young hyperactive guy with impeccable pinstripe suits!”
“Well, when I met him, he was an arrogant, middle-aged white guy with a puffy shirt and an obsession with akido. I must say, though, he dresses quite dapperly—a real dandy.”
“What the hell is WRONG with you people?? The Doctor has terrible fashion sense, like Joseph’s Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat threw up all over him, and he screams a lot.”
“I have no idea who YOU are talking about, but the Doctor is a Black woman who is cool as hell.”
“LOL. No, folks, the Doctor is a jovial, elderly museum curator.”
“No! He’s an evil jerk—calls himself the Valeyard!”
“I heard the Doctor was supposed to be a moon.”
:::blink blink:: “Um… what?”
“Look, the Doctor is a man, and he had a crush on this hot girl he was traveling with.”
“Um, I’m pretty sure the Doctor is gay, so I doubt he’d have been into a hot GIRL.”
“But he was still handsome, right?”
“Not really, no. He looked like Mr. Bean.”
“Mr. Bean??? Then who’s the cutie with the blonde hair, the Mork from Ork T-shirt, and the fam?”
“No idea, but the Doctor is an Indian guy who also calls himself the Master.”
“No, no, the Master is a different person entirely. They’re enemies, and, er, also best friends.”
“Not when I met him. They were a combined being that day. He was a weirdo.”
“Um… the Doctor is a woman, and the Master is ALSO a woman. What the hell, people?”
“For crying out loud. The Master is a man, and he’s not Indian. The Doctor is also a man, and he’s not the Master.”
“I thought the Doctor was a bald hologram on a starship.”
“GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, TREKKIE!!!”
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